head of the class

2004-05-11T15:06:00.000-07:00

I've had all I can take, and I can takes no more.

lets try this out.
http://thehead916.pitas.com/

2004-05-10T13:28:00.000-07:00

I think due to the
sad computer technology
that work employs my
time blogging may be coming to an end.

now, my browser is so old that I can't
even read the help pages.

plus, I can't even
read my old posts.

will someone click on the links (especially the comments) and email me and tell me what happens.

thanks.

2004-05-10T12:19:00.000-07:00

blogger has a new
look and it is scareing me.

uben Studdard - If "The Velvet Teddy Bear" doesn?t want to become known as "The Velveeta Teddy
Bear," he might want to idle his meat and dairy intake. "Simon says" you can fly without wings if you eat
more like a bird-lots of whole grains, nuts, and fruit.

Luciano Pavarotti - This living legend is living large-he?s three tenors rolled into one! Aria worried
about your cholesterol, Luciano? Pitch the prosciutto and start singing the praises of veggie pizza.

Michael Moore - Looks like the Downsize This author has been doing too much supersizing. The awful
truth is that animal products are packed with fat and cholesterol. Before he gets too big for his britches,
Moore should stay away from the stupid white meat and embrace tofu, the other "other white meat."

John Goodman - TV?s West Wing guest star looks like he?s been indulging in a few too many buffalo
wings. A favorite on both the big and small screens, Goodman will be too big for any screen if he doesn?t
act fast. Here?s the skinny: Even skinless chicken contains about the same amount of cholesterol as beef
and is 23 percent fat in terms of calorie percentages. The Raising Arizona star should do more grazing
and less braising.

John Madden - If this Monday Night Football host really wants to tackle his weight problem, he should
take a page from the PETA playbook: Pass on the "turducken" and rush for the salad bar. And because
eating meat clogs arteries to all organs (not just the heart), Madden may find that he scores more
touchdowns off the playing field if he switches to a vegetarian diet.
Velveta teddy bear?

Really who the fuck wrote these puns? Maybe some protien would help
you comedy writing skills.

"Pass on the turducken and rush the salad bar makes me want to rip out my
own eyes.

These lucky stars will be receiving PETA?s "Veg Eye for the Fat Guy"
makeover kit, including copies of PETA?s vegetarian starter kit, which
is chock-full of easy tips on how to switch from meaty to meatless, and
The PETA Celebrity Cookbook, which makes vegetarian cooking super
simple, as well as samples of delicious, low-fat veggie food, including
"fib ribs," "fakin? bacon," and Tofurky.

Somethin tells me John Madden hasn't been dying for a good fib ribs recipe.

For fucks sakes.

And since when is PETA even qualified to make poor fat puns anyway.

2004-05-06T19:55:00.000-07:00

nope still couldn't link

damm it

2004-05-06T19:53:00.000-07:00

Whoo weee,
I do love posting on a nice fancy computer that gives me all the tool bar fancyness.

I should re-name this blog bitchin about technology.
I am in class right now. this very second. My teacher is holding class in the
computer lab, bad idea lady. Office work has taught me that if I am in front
of a computer I don't have to do anything.

I hate this class, I feel like typing that in the class will surely catch up with me in the end.

I am not even listening, she is droning on and on.
half the class isn't even listening.

On a brighter note it is free food day here at city college,
I have been here for two meals
pancakes for breakfast
hotdog for lunch.

handrumming and framed paintings of Bob Marley, for sale to all.

a list!!!!
wow what a novel idea.

THINGS THAT SUCK ABOUT CLASS TONIGHT
1. One hour down, two to go.

2. it is freezing in here.

3. Hot dog based stomach ache.

4. my teachers inability to talk for 20 seconds without saying ummmm many times.

5. Her announcement tonight that she noticed that she scheduled our final after school ends thus moving everything up a week.

6. A woman is talking right now about proper "signage"

7. Class tonight is about library services for disabled children, it has now moved up to
english as a second language readers. Are we suggesting that forgieners are disabled?

8. probably.

9. my class enemy, the ugliest rudest lady that middle age can call its own.
although I can;t see I am guessing she is rocking some sort of looney tunes
gear.

10. the knowledge that the class will end with her telling us a story.
she is one of those adults who are fans of the "oral tradition"
(not in the way you think). But damm it I do not need a 55 year old woman telling me a fucking folk tale at nine at night when I haven't been home in 13 hours.

bah.

I refuse to nurture my inner child.
I know this post is over, but if I stop I will have nothing to do.

can I link it?
yes when it is simply a pretty shiny little button I can.

like weiner dogs?

2004-05-06T16:13:00.000-07:00

This one is for you summer, and hot dog lovers everywhere, watch out!
that is one bad ass hot dog.

Woman Claims Hot Dog Contained
Bullet

IRVINE, Calif. - Costco workers checked the merchandise at its
food court and found nothing out of the ordinary after a woman claimed
she bit into a bullet while eating a hot dog, the company's chief executive
officer said Wednesday.

Police interviewed workers and opened all of the approximately 25
remaining hot dog packages after Olivia Chanes, 31, reported the
incident, CEO Jim Sinegal said.

"We checked everything thoroughly," Sinegal said by phone from
Costco's corporate office near Seattle. "Obviously, it's regrettable. ... The
question is when could something like this happen."

Chanes told police she was eating the hot dog Sunday afternoon at the
store in Irvine, about 40 miles south of downtown Los Angeles, when she
bit into something hard and found what officers determined was a live 9
mm round.

Chanes, of Mission Viejo, later went to the hospital complaining of
stomach pains and X-rays found what appeared to be another bullet in
her stomach, The Orange County Register reported. Doctors told her the
metal round would eventually pass out of her system, the newspaper said.

The company CEO said he was not aware of any legal claim filed by
Chanes. Police and the Orange County Health Department are
investigating the incident.

The Hebrew National hot dogs are carefully prepared, go through a
screening process and pass through a metal detector before they leave
the factory - making it extremely unlikely the bullets entered before
distribution, Sinegal said.

"This is such an extraordinary thing," he said. "It's difficult to understand
how this could have happened."

2004-05-06T16:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I got new comments.
sadly because of our good friend netscape 4.76
copyright 1997-2000 I cannot read them.

damm it.
I give up.

2004-05-06T11:44:00.000-07:00

according to the national enquirer

Jim Belushi and "Catwoman" Julie Newmar are embroiled in Hollywood's
wackiest feud! The 70-year-old actress accuses the "According to Jim"
star of cruelly tormenting her. But Belushi's spokesman insists Newmar
is to blame for the feud. In fact, she was charged with tossing eggs at
his home! The ENQUIRER has all the bizarre details of this star vs.
star war. "Jim Belushi is an aggressive bully," Julie told The
ENQUIRER in an exclusive interview. "He continually disregards the law
when it comes to his house and property. "And if I complain, he
threatens me. 'I AM SO RICH' "One day he tried to intimidate me by
yelling, 'I am so rich, I could wipe you out!' "I said, 'I am glad to
hear that. I hope you make so much money that you'll buy a bigger home
and move away from me!' "

the article goes on and on about their neighborly wars, but this part is my
favorite,

" He drove by my house on his motor scooter, stopped his scooter,
raised his fist and yelled at me, 'This is war!' " said Julie.

Now wait a fucking second, belushi, on a scooter?
now thats funny.

Why was a man with his on show, (not a small man mind you)
riding around on a motorscooter menacing Julie neumar.

my first craigs list ad

http://sacramento.craigslist.org/mis/30481173.html

2004-04-30T15:52:00.000-07:00

Hello, I know still no comments but rest assured eventually they will
return

Until then I can say what I want with the complete freedom of not knowing
what you think (although what would I say that was really that scandelous)

nothing too exciting today, regualr old friday, waiting to go have a beer
at five like the rest of the working slobs of the world.

So, today I brought the following cd's to work,
Nation of Ulysses (welcome back sassy svenonius)
the Shangra-la's
Gorillaz
Belle and Sebastian
and
The boss

I like to look at my cd's and wonder what it says about my mood for the
day, today I got nothin.

I am having a bit of a return to wanting to listen to music all the time,
I think its time for a solo night of record listening.

does this make me old?

ahhh fuck it.

My complaints of the week you ask? (And I KNOW you were asking)

The unreturned email, usually just bullshit small stuff but I have
several floating around in the world. Come on people hit reply and type
three fuckin words, I know you aint too busy, and if you are reading this
and yet not emailing me back, you are just sad. its like gettin my
witty banter and none of the irritating spelling mistakes or misread
sarcasm. (if this refers to you sorry, but get the job done, unless of
course you are my teacher in which case stop reading this right now.)

People using my shit without asking, gentlemen from new york I am lookin
in your direction.

Work, I just hate working, if only I was vince and could retire early.

My great loves of the week?

an 84 on my math test

first BBQ of the year.

the sweet voice of one Mr. Ian McCulloch (I know this is an old one but the
seasons changing always make him appeal to me so much more, I think it is a
nostagia thing)

school ending in a few weeks.

Remembering how funny it is to refer to myself as The Fashionable Fatass.

2004-04-29T14:34:00.000-07:00

This was the message of spam sent to a company bulliten board today,
these make me laugh, I just don't understand whay they list all of these
words. (needless to say I am not real computer savy.

inescapable decorate druid indisputable nomogram muck conrail
anamorphic debt slay evil whereby airy degrease beethoven scurry
apocrypha bath clientele anything comply snap mitten expression nomad
transcribe ban china removal awesome integer bitt department supplicate
haircut effluent boutique controllable fist shore been ferromagnetism
graves impeccable simulate holcomb cadenza roughish composite cinnabar
jimenez roustabout bird cabinetmake convalescent headquarter rail
atmosphere emphatic kellogg industry booby marco

I think I just like it ending with booby marco.
I imagine booby to be an aging vegas act, much like shecky green.

2004-04-27T11:09:00.000-07:00

I got this link from from the always great www.blacktable.com

He loves tron, and will admit that spandex does nothing to
hide obesity.

I just love this guy.

http://www.ibiblio.org/jmaynard/TRONcostume/

kudos to you Jay Manard.

its gonna be 95 degrees today, apparently summer is here.
its not so bad but I really need a little bit of time to acclimate.

at least I am not wearing a spandex tron costume.

2004-04-26T14:42:00.000-07:00

I think this Craigs list poster may learn that no, there are no
female Rush fans.

his 23rd time? The man loves canadian fairy rock i guess.
****************************************************************

Any Female Rush Fans?

I have tickets to the Concord show and the Sacrament Rush show...

I am looking for a female Rush fan who would like to go to one of them with the extra ticket I have.... I will be selling the tix to the
night I dont go.

Me: male, 37, handsome, nice... Big Rush fan..will be the 23rd time seeing them.

You: Female, 30-40ish, cute, nice, and fun. Be a Rush fan...:-)

let me know if interested.

2004-04-26T14:28:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the comments, i tried to replace them, thus erasing my whole
blog (or at least so it seemed) but it is fixed and now I am paranoid to
re-do the comments, email me if you have a great hankering to do it for me.

I went through a brief stage where I was obsessed with real dolls,
My favorite thing is people who pose them like real ladies and post them to
their websites,

people, meet Bill and his sexy lady Leah.

http://www.victorias-closet.com/Delta/leah.html

(Take note if you sit right by your boss or are anywhere people could be
offended beware the last few pictures are a bit scary)

I wonder, do these people ever take them out in public to try and pass them
as real ladies?

I am also glad to see that Leah is taking an interest in playing keyboard,
it is important to be a well rounded lady.

if you go to the main site there are tons of pictures but I am choosing to
skip most of them. plus there is a creepy one of a real doll playing with barbies.

2004-04-23T13:58:00.000-07:00

Allright, after my demand of more comments I can no longer open them
and read them.
I don't know why but I am guessing it this crap ass work
computer.
Or because Haloscan fancied things up somewhere that the
stone age beast can't comprehend.

I hate this thing.
(no computer just kidding I love you)

So I guess I will find new comments somewhere.
sad, that means all of these ones will dissapear.

2004-04-23T12:01:00.000-07:00

In the news, a man who really doesn't need to be hit in the face.
Fortunately no teeth were lost is my favorite line.
Apparently Shane protects those last two with his life.

Shane MacGowan Beaten Up In London Pub

Former Pogues singer Shane MacGowan has been attacked with a metal bar in
a London pub and taken to hospital in a seemingly motiveless assault.
McGowan suffered facial injuries in the attack. The 46-year-old was assaulted
at the Joiner's Arms in Belgravia at around 6.30pm on Monday.

According to police sources, MacGowan, was taken to St Thomas' Hospital
after the attack but did not require any treatment.

Apparently MacGowan suffered a fractured cheekbone after being kicked,
punched and hit with a metal bar in the attack. Fortunately no teeth were lost
in the incident.

Two men in their early 20s were arrested and later released on police bail.

2004-04-23T11:51:00.000-07:00

http://home.mn.rr.com/couplandesque/quizzes/rockchick.htm

I was courtney Love in this quiz to see what rock chick I am
I am embarassed by this, but we do have a lot in common
like a love of hillbilly herion and too much plastic surgery

2004-04-22T13:44:00.000-07:00

And they say all the good catches are already taken.

guess again

with fourteen years of celebacy and preparing for the apocolypse
to take care of he is a steal of a man.

http://www.geocities.com/bingo3539/about_john.html

I have become obessed with my comments, I check them several times a day.

For those of you who use them keep up the good work.

For everyone else, like people with bitch I don't update enough get on it
for god's sakes.

2004-04-20T17:27:00.000-07:00

I guess I love the giant list.

heres another one

http://headshundred.blogspot.com/

2004-04-20T16:37:00.000-07:00

It is no great suprise that the CEO of McDonalds died of a heart attack
on Monday.

Sad, but no great suprise.

In other news Blender magazine has named We Built this City by Starship as
the worst song ever.

Rounding out the top 10:
"Achy Breaky Heart," Billy Ray Cyrus
"Everybody Have Fun Tonight" Wang Chung;
Rollin'," Limp Bizkit;
Ice Ice Baby," Vanilla Ice;
The Heart of Rock & Roll," Huey Lewis and the News;
"Don't Worry Be Happy," Bobby McFerrin
"Party All the Time," Eddie Murphy
"American Life," Madonna;
"Ebony and Ivory," Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder

Of course I disagree with some of those, I mean I certainly don't love
Heart of Rock and Roll but it doesn't even touch the horror of Jerry
Mungo's "In the Summertime" or at least half of the No doubt catalog.
and Toby Keiths "Courtesy of the Red White and Blue" is all of the way down
at #22.

Maybe they were frightened he would put a boot up their ass, after
all it is the American way.

2004-04-19T16:25:00.000-07:00

The guy is shutting down the site for a while so ladies get those entries
in.

http://www.fypl.info/

2004-04-19T16:03:00.000-07:00

Allright, my LA list is at hand.
we went to see trekkies 2.
it was great and I have a non speaking role.

GREATEST THINGS ABOUT MY TRIP TO LA.

1. Obviously the movie itself.

2. Seeing Mike talking to Denise Crosby (tasha Yar) I don't know what
he was saying but she was smiling politly and sort of backing away.

3. Eating at pinks hotdogs. I am obsessed with the hotdog documentary
on PBS and this is one of the places in it. If you think colelsaw on a hot
dog is gross you are so wrong.

4. Seeing Rodney bingenheimer at Katner's deli.

5. Jay and Al talking about being famous the whole way there.

6. seeing Gabriel Koerner at the premiere and freaking out. (he was the
nerdy kid from bakersfield in the first one) He has grown up and
everything.

7. seeing NokillI drinking in the Paramount parking lot in mikes van.

8. Joel being dressed up in a white lady wig and fake fur coat and calling
himself Coors DeBlanc.

sadly no d list celebrities though.
The movie is going straight to video in August, please see it. I think it
is my greatest moment ever.

2004-04-13T16:12:00.000-07:00

I am going to gone until monday from work.
I am going to LA for the premiere of the
movie Trekkies 2.

I tell you this because thats why I won't be posting
not laziness I swear.

I really hope I see some D list celebrities.
or Will Wheaton, despite Heathers claims that
he is too classy to go.

I hope Joey Tata is there.

2004-04-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

So I found this webring online that is all
people making lists of one hundred things about
themselves, right up my alley right?

Well they wanted it at its own spot (not your regular
page or blog or whatever)

so I took the time to start a new blog and put it there.
then I found out the webring isn't accepting new members,
and I ain't movin the damm thing over here, so now I
will send you there.

http://headshundred.blogspot.com/

Enjoy.

2004-04-12T12:12:00.000-07:00

Allright I won't even discuss my lack of postings, suffice to say I
don't update often enough.

But this craigs list posting needs to be commented on,

Extreme Makeoever - m4w - 40

Reply to: anon-28040645@craigslist.org
Date: 2004-04-04, 11:29AM PDT

Want an augmentation? eyes lasered? teeth fixed? Liposuction? Are you fine,
but have just a couple flaws you'd like to address?

I propose that you become my mistress and over the course of our friendship
I'll pay to make you even more perfect. I'm a very
successful, married, good looking businessman looking to establish a
mutually beneficial relationship with an attractive woman. I am
enchanted with the idea of transforming you.

WHAT THE FUCK!
Seriously, this weirds me out so much. does he choose the changes?
what if he decides he wants a lady with four tits (and who doesn't?)
do I need to feel obliged? Or what if wants to transform you from
attractive to ugly.

It really, really weirds me out.

I also wanted to give a kudos to Johnny Hart for another religous themed
B.C. in yesterdays comics,No biblical holiday is complete without it.
strangly I understood it, maybe John is slipping.

2004-04-06T16:27:00.000-07:00

My poor neglected blog,
and now my comments have dissapeared, why?

did someone type something mean in to them?

Although perhaps you can see them and I can't since appaerently my computer
is being possesed by the devil today.

also according to a CNN poll found that 23% of those polled don't use
condoms while having sex. Yuckers!

with that in mind please enjoy these STD slang terms courtesy of the Butler
county department of health.

GONORRHEA
Slang: "dose", "clap", "drip"

CHLAMYDIA
Slang: "The Clam", "Gooey Stuff

SYPHILIS
Slang: "Pox", "Bad Blood"

HUMAN IMMUNODEFICIENCY VIRUS
Slang: "Has the Package", "HI-v".

The Clam grosses me out the most.

ohh man.

2004-03-30T16:50:00.000-08:00

Look out ladies, the man has appeared with Ricardo Montelbon

http://www.twcloud.com/index.html

Sp many trips to the Sears photo studio, always the same pose.

2004-03-30T16:25:00.000-08:00

Ahhh Craigs list

Looking for Breezy - 24

Looking for a 22 year old blonde named Breezy, Last known working at
Hometown Buffet on Watt Ave @ Country Club Plaza.
Beautiful woman, need to hook back up with her.

Does he need to hook up with her for more of the all you can eat
sausage with sweet and sour sauce?

Did they share meaningful glances over the salad bar, her eyes reflected in
the vats of ranch dressing?

Heres a great offer

Big dicked jerk wants some dirty phone sex - m4w - 28

yowza, needless to say I called him.

Maybe I rely on Craig's list for too much material but damm it its just so
entertaining.

2004-03-29T14:10:00.000-08:00

Wanna pass that drug test fellas?
or just want a new tool that pisses
real reconstituted urine?
either way your prayers have been answered.
http://www.thewhizzinator.com/

The product pictures are a little graphic for those of you
at your desk but really funny nonetheless.

I really want to wear one around.

2004-03-26T15:41:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when I am really bored I like to go here
http://members.diaryland.com/
and just start reading peoples online diary/blog thingys.

I have read and re-read the following passage from a diary called
false_apathy and have decided its the most high school thing I have ever
read. Actually I looked at her profile and she is 14! barely even high
school.

but I wonder, will Ashley be pregnant by 16?

just a thought: stephanie knows that i'm not friends w/ ashley
b, but she finds a way to work her name into a conversation!
fuck ashley. she's the one who deserted me. Why the hell was I
friends with her? Hell's bells, best friends? I mean, something
fishy was going on. You aren't best friends for 3 full years
and just forget about them. She has her own flaws-she tries to
be black. *POSEUR! POSEUR!* She's too happy. Maybe I'm too
depressing. *Ha. Ha. Ha.* But all in all:

SHE'S A BITCH!

She'll probley be pregnant by the time she's 16. Wouldn't
surprise me if she was...

well dudez i'm gonna quit writin hur...ttyl ~*~mary~*~

2004-03-25T14:36:00.000-08:00

Hot damm I am on Blogging fire now,

Virgin Atlantic wanted to put this
http://www.bathroom-mania.com/urinoir/kisses.html
in their lounge at JFK Airpot.

Amazingly some feminists got upset, I can't imagine why (insert sarcasm
here)

2004-03-25T14:24:00.000-08:00

Courtesy of Heather, a great website.
http://www.city-data.com/

Look up facts about your favorite town.
and great facts such as these.

Top Five Cities with the Largest Percentage of Males (pop. 2000+)

1. Baldwin, Illinois (94%, Median age: 30.7, pop. 3627)
2.Irving, Illinois (90%, Median age: 31.9, pop. 2484)
3.Ina, Illinois (90%, Median age: 33.8, pop. 2455)
4.Altamont, Pennsylvania (87%, Median age: 33.9, pop. 2689)
5.Carlisle, Indiana (86%, Median age: 33.6, pop. 2660)

Top 5 Cities with the Largest Percentage of Females (pop. 2000+)
1.St. Joseph, Minnesota (68%, Median age: 21.8, pop. 4681)
2.Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania (68%, Median age: 22.5, pop. 4382)
3.Dugway, Utah (68%, Median age: 19.8, pop. 2016)
4.Lima, Pennsylvania (67%, Median age: 79.1, pop. 3225)
5.Rossmoor, New Jersey (67%, Median age: 76.8, pop. 3129)

Apparently Illinois is the land of men.

and I hate the word Dugway.

2004-03-25T14:03:00.000-08:00

Allright, I wasn't at work yesterday so yesterday doesn't officially count
as a skiped blog day.

And this isn't much of a post, but I am listening to Fake Train the Unwound
record which I haven't listend to in forever, and just the sound of it
makes me want to bust out in some classic 90's dancing.

Does this mean I like it? I can't even tell. Although I am feeling really
nostalgic.

90's dancing? Hard to explain. Hurky jerky, hands in pockets. Basically
same as I do now at a show but less tired and jaded.
~

2004-03-23T15:39:00.000-08:00

Its true, I admit it, I have lost my blog fever. Once we were in love
true, fresh exciting love. We laughed at the same jokes and finished
each others sentences. Now we are like an old married couple. I avoid
the blog. Sometimes I even think of things to write and I don't. Sure I
have been busy, I took some days off, I have been busy but I realize
there is no reason to take it out on blog. Maybe we need counseling.

So in a baby step kind of way I will write some lists. Not exciting
how crazy my family is or how much I love Eric Neversoft lists something a
bit more mundane. Baby steps, baby steps.

WHAT I AM WEARING
1. New baby blue suede Reeboks, I do love my new shoes.
2. Blue cords, but they keep falling down.
3. White button up shirt with blue stripes.

(Blue is the color of the day, remember blog when we used to call each
other and talk about what we were going to wear the next day?)

CD'S I BROUGHT TO WORK TODAY
1. Blur, Parklife
2. Ian McCulloch, Slideling. (THis is the only one I have listened to)
3. Manic Street Preachers, This is My Truth Tell Me Yours.

4. Oasis, Definitely Maybe, This one just went in the CD player.
5. Byrds, Sweethearts of the Rodeo.

One of these CD's just doesn't fit with the others. Apparently I am in a
mood.

(Me and Blogs song is Live Forever)

WHAT IS DISTRACTING ME TODAY
1. Earth 2025,
http://games.swirve.com/earth/
Ohh so sad I have found a new non-blog online distraction. I feel so
ashamed.
2. I swear it was only once.
http://www.mtbireland.com/dodge.html

(Oh god what have I become, please forgive me Blog)

WHAT I HAD FOR LUNCH
1. Cashews
2. Wheat thins
3. Pear
4. Animal crackers.
5. I had a yogurt but I didn't eat it.

Whew, that wasn't so bad.

2004-03-12T16:16:00.000-08:00

SO CNN has this headline
"White House takes Aim at Obesity"

are they going to shoot me or something?
(luckily there is a link to atkins on the sidebar)

I think Dick Cheny has a bead on me right now.

2004-03-12T14:38:00.000-08:00

so yahoo entertainment knows fashion and entertainment,
I mean why wouldn't they, right?

But lo and behold it appears no one knows Miami like Nic knows Miami.
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/040311/1889/fwd110b20040311jpg

and I quote
"As for style, the crowd's look could be characterized as more
fashion-forward than the typical Miami surfcomber crowd, but the Miami
uniform in women's fashion-ultra minis and stiletto heels-was
omnipresent. The most popular hat for men was not the ubiquitous
Kangol cap, but rather variations on the fedora or Panama hat. Nic of
!!! wore a white panama hat which he explained was his "Miami" hat.

This from a story entitled the Swayze Method,
baby that ain't Patrick Swayze!

2004-03-10T16:16:00.000-08:00

By now I am sure that everyone has read the smoking gun's collection of
riders.
http://thesmokinggun.com/backstagetour/index.html

I was looking to see if they had any new ones and really just had to
re-read the demands of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. I love to mock the
Peppers, I mean who doesn't and their demands are all that.

Firstly.
they need a meditation room set up, but for god sakes not in the color
blue, Frusciante will fly in to a fuckin rage if he sees blue, it does not
calm him down!

Next
Two packs of Cigarettes and two aromatherapy candles? Well, I guess you
have to keep all your bases covered.

still more
Whole milk, skim milk, and room temperature soy milk? Nothing I like more after
a big show is milk, think whole milk. and if Fleas soy ain't room temp
heads will fuckin roll.

Yet more
Those dressing room lamps best have dimmer on them, the boys like to be
able to dim at will as the "vibe" permits.

Lastly,
Four live tall plants or trees. Here is your high horse gentlemen get off it.

2004-03-09T15:40:00.000-08:00

Well its here

Thermometer hits 80, sets record in
Sacramento

so soon, so very soon. too soon.

2004-03-09T14:38:00.000-08:00

I keep getting this spam that promises a better dick,
among its "guarantees" is this list.

Obviously I cannot let this go without a few comments.

We guarantee:

* A bigger penis head & thicker trunk
Keep the word trunk to your self.

* A longer lasting erection
allright, I guess.

* Increased ejaculation fluid
Who needs it? Does it matter? and how much more like a torrent or
something?

* Better overall confidence levels
"Overall"? better in some ways but not others?

* Increased pleasure for both males & females
I guess this one is the hook. But I think its better
for the owner of the dick mainly.

2004-03-05T16:41:00.000-08:00

So Martha Stewart has been found guilty. Prepare yourself for months of
jokes about jail redecorationg and "thats not a good thing"

however, she has written this letter http://www.marthatalks.com/
to her adoring public.

Even on a web page she you can tell the colors and fonts have been
carefully chosen, even her photo expresses stern sadness (and one hell of
an eye job)

2004-03-04T17:24:00.000-08:00

I know, I know I am now the worst at blogging.
but sadly I haven't had time the last two days. Today i was too busy
abusing my time on the clock by writing a paper.

But, I have the following comments.

Yesterday I heard a girl at school say to another girl
"My pants hella hurt where the rubber band is"

What? Seriously what the fuck does that mean. Where is the rubber band and
why does it hurt? Is it there on purpose? and what is the other girls
involvement with the rubber band. I have been over it and over it in my
head and for the life of me I cannot figure out why it would be there and
where it is. on the leg, is it somehow crotchy?

On the light rail one girl said to another

"I was like up the Butt? hell no"

Ladies, I don't think this is something that we should be shouting about at
10:00 AM. Or ever for that matter, your reluctance for the anal sex is not
my business nor should it be. Thank you very much.

and finally, quoted from a missed connection on Craigs list.
I have been a dick muscle lately I admit, and I may get sand in my
vagina from time to time, but, it does go away pretty fast with a good
cleansing.

I have to agree a good washing will usually clear up what ails you
but how did the sand get in there. The rest of the ad is normal sad heartbreak s
tuff other than the title of McAnally Avenue.

Its here if you want to read it.
http://sacramento.craigslist.org/mis/25661914.html

I guess grandma is just confused by the world.

2004-02-27T14:37:00.000-08:00

Allright, Josh called it I have fallen in to a blog funk.
there is no excuse for this, I just don't feel like I have anything to say.

what I need is a good list, or at least a list any one.

heres one I have been mulling over.

TEN CRAZY ASS TRAITS OF MY GRANDMA SAMMY, HER NAME'S NOT SAMMY ITS ACTUALLY
ARLENE BUT AS A CHILD I THOUGHT SHE LOOKED LIKE SAMMY DAVIS JR. SO I CALL
HER SAMMY BEHIND HER BACK.

1. When the OJ Simpson trial was on she watched it all the time, eventually
coming to refer to it as "my show"

2. Use of the phrase good time Charlie as a put down.

3. Her recent fear that canadians were trying to bring drugs and gay
marrige accross the border.

4. She has two long haired cats which she shares her trailer with (or as
she insists manufactured home) instead of brushing them she lets the hair
dread up and get really gross and then has them shaved like lions. The cats
hate it and it makes them uncomfortable when you look at them.
5. Had a nervous breakdown and had to go away for a while in the late
1960's, she claims it was beacuase of my moms mini skirts.

6. Often tapes show off of the home shopping network that are on too late
and watches it the next day.

7. Cries uncontrollably when she trys to sew on a machine.

8. Once when I was walking across the room she sprang up and tried to
wrestle me down to the ground, failed, and then sat down like nothing had
happened.

9. When we were kids she lived in an apartment and to keep me and my sister
quiet she told us that the man down stairs had a monkey in a cage that like
to eat little girls, when we would get too loud she would bend down, put
her ear to the floor and say "shhhhh I hear the cage door opening."

10. This one is hard to explain, but she digs her nails in to her neck all
day, there are scars there now.

god I do love sammy.

2004-02-25T16:20:00.000-08:00

Well, its 30 minutes later and I am still reading it, a good time waster is
worth sharing

http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/

I mean who hasn't wondered if you can get pregnant from semen in your
mouth, or if a woman can die if you blow in her vagina or the dangers of
mixing zoloft and MDMA.

good times.

My umbrella snapped in half in the wind today, so sad.

2004-02-23T16:05:00.000-08:00

On google they have a service called google answers where you ask a
question of their experts and for as "little as 2.50" they will answer you.

http://answers.google.com/answers/

luckily they have an archive or previously asked questions.
Here are a few I liked. (sorry about the caps, but it helps my comments
stand out on their own, like the witty little gems they are)

Please find the telephone number and address to be able to propose an
idea for a movie to Steven Speilberg
BET HE IS WAITING WITH BAITED BREATH.

Subject: Is there hope for a "bland, nice guy?"
YOU ARE PAYING SOMEONE 6 BUX FOR AN EGO BOOST? SAD.

Why do humans (usually) strongly prefer privacy when making love?
WHY ARE YOU ASKING THIS, ARE YOU TRYING TO WIN AN ARGUMENT?

I want to purchase a small, discreet vibrator (e.g., egg or clitoral
device) that can be activated with a long-distance (cross country)
wireless remote control. This would perhaps utilize cell phone
technology or something similar. Ideally, the device would be small
enough that she could wear and enjoy it every day. Waterproof would
be an added plus. Please help me locate one.
WHAT A HORRIBLE IDEA, THIS IS SCARY TO ME.

I am trying to find a woman in a wheelchair that wrote me a love
letter in 1972 in San Francisco. Her name was Kitty Gray. Surely there
must be some database of people who are confined to wheelchairs that
would help me with my search. I was 18 at the time (now 48) and I
believe she was about my age or older. She also had a dear friend who
went by the name H.B. and whose real first name was Helen but I do not
remember her last name. I want to tell he how much her letter has
meant to me since experiencing great sadness in my life, and to make
sure she is O.K. Who can help me find this needle in a haystack (her)?
OK, THIS IS REALLY SAD. HAS SHE HAUNTED HIM FOR ALL THESE YEARS.

2004-02-20T15:19:00.000-08:00

Again I stole this from the black table site,

http://www.lesliehall.com/8-sweaters1.html

As opposed to one weird lookin girl in many sweaters imagine an army of her
comin at you.

Gold stretch pants? I say bring it on.

And from New Scientist,
Fertile Woman Rate Other Women as Uglier.

if this is the case bitches like me must be fertile as hell.

2004-02-19T17:29:00.000-08:00

as always I am wasting time on craig's list

This sounds like the worst thing ever. Meth and nasty sex?
but wait he has an incredible home, i am in.

Come party with me and my friend "Crystal" - m4w - 30

Very good looking, WM is seeking a friend to party with. I am extremely
talented orally, and am role play expert. I have incredible
home and can host. Looking for women who is interested in nasty sex. Age
race unimportant.

Your pic gets mine.

AND

total nude party - mw4mw - 28

here's the deal... so far we have 3 guys and 2 girls... we need more girls
and/or couples.

we have reserved a suite downtown.

pics first before the details are given.

nudity, shower, masturbation, etc... bi, straight, etc. welcome...

So, the most uncomfortable night I can imagine?

2004-02-19T16:54:00.000-08:00

I know I have become slack on posting stuff but I do what I can.

Tess led me to this great feature of the metal sludge page
http://www.metal-sludge.com/Exposed.htm

Its pretty great, its mainly metal dudes in the past before
they were stars. Lots of old hair metal bands. anyway from the flyers
there are a lot of great band names.

TOP TEN HAIR METAL BAND NAMES I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF.

1. Plain Jane
2. Reinkus Tide, its long and I don't know what it means, perfect!
3.Cramur, is it suggesting you cram her? I just like the spelling.
4. White sister, why? Why not!
5. Prizoner, if you can get an extra z or x in do it.
6. Ragtyme, please will you people do anything to get the misspelling in?
7. Ronnie Dio and The Prophets, allright not a hair band but Dio's band
from the late fifties. You thought he was just ugly but actually he is old
as fuck too.
8. Angora, what a pussy name....oh wait they are billed as 100% pure rock
from philadelphia never mind.
9. Slamhound, I can't stop laughing.
10. Ruff Toiz, phonetically speaking they rock!

2004-02-13T15:09:00.000-08:00

Ever wonder what George Strait is up to?
Probably not but at least this man won't be "Going Rambo on him"

In Nashville, a federal grand jury indicted a Louisiana man on
extortion charges that he tried to further his music career by
threatening country singer George Strait.

Walter J. Bonin Jr. said he'd "go Rambo" if Strait didn't
record at least one of his songs, according to the indictment a
grand jury issued Wednesday. He faces seven counts of
extortion over threatening e-mails sent in July and August
2003.

"It's all fake," Bonin said Thursday. "Somebody has been
getting into my e-mail for the past four or five years. It's not
me because I would never do nothing to jeopardize George
Strait."

But prosecutors charged that Bonin on July 29, 2003, sent a
note to Danny O'Brien, president of Strait's fan club, that
read in part "If it comes down to it and I have no choice but to
go Rambo, let me just say that I won't be the lone gunman."

A spokesman for the 51-year-old Strait declined comment

2004-02-12T15:42:00.000-08:00

Ladies check him out, don't let this one get away.
http://www.fypl.info/

I love the internet for stuff like this, of course would I love it so much if
it wasn't the alternative to work? No, I wouldn't.

2004-02-11T14:59:00.000-08:00

Today is making me feel crazy,
then I read janas blog today http://janaland.blogspot.com/ and
I realize I am clearly not the only one.

Well the kids at the library almost broke me today. But I fought my way
through. Fourth graders are insane, and I think they are trying to break my
will.

however on a lighter note, (from inmdb.com)

Banker Withdraws Jackson and Timberlake Lawsuit

Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake can breathe a sigh of relief -
Tennessee banker Terri Carlin has dropped her lawsuit against them
following their Super Bowl performance. Knoxville resident Carlin sued
the two pop stars, MTV, CBS and their parent company Viacom last
Wednesday for millions of dollars in compensatory and punitive
damages, following Jackson's breast exposure on live TV. Carlin filed
the suit in the Us District Court claiming the February 1 half-time
show had caused her "outrage, anger, embarrassment and serious
injury," adding she was suing the stars on behalf of "all Americans".
After filing the suit, Carlin and her attorney Wayne A Ritchie II
received hundreds of phone calls and mail from fellow outraged
Americans, who wanted to be included in the now-defunct legal battle.

Now, I just want to say this is the dumbest thing ever, I mean has this
lady never seen a nipple? For fuck sake American's are the dumbest.
how much could it have "seriously injured" her? I mean I have been pretty
upset in my life, but never injured by it. and who were these other
americans? Fuck them too. It was a flash of nipple for god sakes.
The horrible use of plastic surgurey is a far worse offense in my opinion.
and the outrage? was there a screaming and gnashing of teeth? Did she
vomit? Embarrassment is watching the Real World cast get drunk and fuck not
half time show nip.

At least Janet has a nice rack.

2004-02-09T17:05:00.000-08:00

It turns out the people love a good costume check this guy out.

http://www.facemakersincorporated.com/index.html#costume

sexy, sexy, sexy.

I would watch out for that gnomes hat, I don't trust the looks of it.

2004-02-09T13:56:00.000-08:00

Michelle just sent me this link with the subject "List of things not to do
as a airline pilot"
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/3472265.stm

on a flight from LA to NY An American Airlines pilot terrified
passengers on his flight when he asked Christians to identify
themselves and went on to call non-Christians "crazy".

he also suggested the christians talk to the non-christians about their
faith.

I would have flipped out if I was on this flight. And of course I would be
sitting next to some Baptist Matress salesman who had a lot to say.

And so at the request of the lovely Michelle

FIVE THINGS NOT TO DO AS A AIRLINE PILOT

1. Announce "who needs a drink" and proceed to come out to the cabin to
show the passengers how fast you can chug a 40 of St. Ides.

2. Talk in a donald duck voice over the loud speaker. (this happened to me
once it was really scary, maybe this is where my hatered of impersonations
comes from)

3. Stand in the terminal before the flight leaves screaming in to your cell
phone "fine bitch if you don't want me I will just kill myself"

4. see if its funny to greet passengers in only the top half of your
pilots uniform, and no pants.

5. Keep talking about Nancy the stewardess's butt and how
when you land you are totally gonna "tap that ass"

this is making me laugh like crazy,
http://www.marylen.com/

2004-02-04T17:50:00.000-08:00

I am a pretty easy going gal, what you do in your home is your business
etc.

but, this creeps me out, female latex masks for male cross dressers to
wear.

http://www.maskon.com/kerry/masks/index.htm

Savage love just makes me smarter and smarter.

2004-02-04T17:26:00.000-08:00

At long last I am back.

Or at least mostly back. I have a cold, Again, damm it. I think its those
germy kids I am around every day. Speaking of the kids with Lincolns
birthday approaching the kids talked about Lincoln today and used the
computers to look up Lincoln info. Here is what I learned from the kids.

Lincoln looks like that one dude from Vice City.

apparently the gun used to shoot Lincoln was shocking small, they all
thought it had been an uzi.

They do not care about Mary Todd Lincoln, she was way too ugly.

Ahh kids today,

check out these instructions to use the Magic cone the device to help
ladies stand up and pee like men.

http://www.magic-cone.com/Instruction.htm

I especially like the no nonsense business lady.
sterile, illustrated and dirty all at once.

Becky sent me this Craigs list ad today.
**********************************************************************
Hello girls! I'm a straight, clean cut guy who secretly puts on panties
and sucks off guys in a self storage room that I am renting in Roseville.
I would like to have one (or more) girls there just to watch me suck cock.
No sexual contact with you.....all you do is enjoy watching.

Female responders only!!!!! (no exceptions!!)

Please let me know if you are interested. Thanks!!

(By the way, if you want to know more about me, check out the ad I posted
about an hour ago entitled: Are you looking to receive BLOW JOBS in total
secrecy?)

**********************************************************************
This guy has a lot goin' on. Self storage room, ladies panties,
dick sucking, ladies watching, roseville. Basically he is asking
way to much.

Also, its not total secrecy if you have another ad asking people
to watch.

2004-01-30T15:00:00.000-08:00

First crushes, now that is a good list idea.
I suppose its first celebrity crushes, as a sheltered hippie kid I
really didn't get to see too very much of the world of popular culture
before 1983, but there a few.

CELEBRITY CRUSHES OF MY CHILDHOOD.

1. Adrian Zmed, I loved him. I really was obsessed with how fine I thought
he was. In hindsite he is ugly and weird looking.

2. Michael Jackson. I know in hindsight its gross but in third and forth
grade I was Jacko crazy. I had all the stuff, posters, a pillow with his
face on it, a thriller watch, earrings shaped like sparkly gloves.

3. The other big one for me was all of Duran Duran, it lasted up until
highschool. My god I loved john Taylor. In sixth grade my friends had this
thing where they would write really sexual letters to each other
as members of Duran Duran about the hikjinks the band had with groupies.
I could never take part in this game as I was way too embarassed, The only
one I remember took place on workout machines.

4. Alan Alda, as a kid I loved MASH and I loved Alda. Not now then. Really.
Although his science show on PBS is pretty hot.

5. Michael Nesmith, everyday after school the monkies were on. When I was
five we had a TV and I would run home to watch Nesmith in his hot
knit hat.

2004-01-29T17:25:00.000-08:00

well, well Old Mr. Neversoft really lit up my life.
and it is over now.

My bad in not realizing milksnatch means stealing milk, not something
dirty.

yourdictionary.com has come out with its top 10 word lists for the year.
(how do I know? occasionally I must troll for topics dear reader)

http://www.yourdictionary.com/about/topten2003.html

I really like top ten youthspeak words

1. What Up?

2. Give it up!

3. Shut up!

4. Stog, Cigarette, short for 'stogey'.

5. SNAG Sensitive New-Age Guy. (As in that Jon Tesh, what a snag)

6. Hottie

7. Poppins Perfect, as in 'Mary Poppins is perfect in every way. (There is
nothing harder than quoting Mary Poppins.)

8. Tricked Out

9. Rice Rockets

10. Side Show Temporarily cordoning off a freeway to perform outrageous car stu
nts in tricked-out rice rockets.

And in a suprise appearance, for the local boys, number one in the Top
Word Trends in Pop Music Names

!!! Bands without pronounceable names, though usually pronounced 'tch, tch, tch
'.

Usually? is there more than one instance of this?

2004-01-28T16:48:00.000-08:00

Its wednesday, good old hump day.
I started my elementary school library internship today.
children are tiring, my schedule is tiring but as I keep saying
I will be adjusted within the week and then its smooth sailing from
there.

regarding the comment from one Mr. Sexy Eric Neversoft.
1. Go ahead use my comment on the gross/lameness of your band name.
2. Your show didn't repulse me because I have never seen you.
do you do repulsive things. Is there an operation concerning
a milky vagina?
Was asking me a way to let me know about passing judgement
before seeing something? If so, no matter how good you are that
name is still pretty bad.
3. Does the name Operation Milksnatch go with your chosen moniker of
Eric Neversoft? because if I had a dick nothing would make it softer
than a milky snatch. really its a little bit STD-y.

cheers!

2004-01-27T12:58:00.000-08:00

Well, all I can say is thank god!
the pope finally has come out with an official stance on breakdancing,
thus letting us know how god views both popping and locking.
http://www.wftv.com/news/2792793/detail.html

Dennis Miller has a new show on TV, this is horrible really horrible.
I hate him so much. Is there any way, him, Colin Quinn and Dennis Leary
could die in some sort of Hooters fire burning out of control?
One could only hope Howard Stern and Bill Mahr might be in the parking lot.

Oh yeah I forgot to mention in yesterdays Golden Globes comments that I
thought Nicole Kidman looked the worst, I hate her, I hate her looks and
I am becomming convinced she has some disease that turns you in to a bird.
It must be so embarassing to have to hunt and peck all
that gravel for your gullet on the red carpet.
one of the more scary side effects is that it also makes you want to hump
both Lenny Kravitz and Tom Cruise.

I saw the cape today and he was sans cape, sad times.

2004-01-26T16:31:00.000-08:00

Well, it is the end of the day and I finally get around to writing
something. although, not much I think the new school Schedule is slowing
me down.

Me and Tess watched the Golden Globes last night.
let me say this,

Sting, please button up that shirt, really, I already know you have a
chest.

Al pacino, Tiny ponytail is bad, real bad. You are a movie star not a
gamer.

Ohhh Diane Keaton, go ahead show some skin other than your face, long white
coat, white golves and white boots makes you look like a cult member or a
doctor. Maybe a doctor in a cult.

Sarah jessica parker, just beacause the dress is chanel don't mean it looks
good. I mean if my dress was longer in the back than the front you would ask
me if the hem had come out or something.

umm yeah, I won't go on I don't want to sound too much E!.

I am mesmorized by Brini Maxwell the 1970's themed drag queen with a show
on the style network.

Check this Craig's list post out, crazy, choosy and a poor grasp of the
english language. I found it quite entertaining..

http://sacramento.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/23025686.html

2004-01-22T11:48:00.000-08:00

So far today I have had really quite a day.

When I bought coffee today I dropped a quarter of the change the guy gave
me into my coffee.

The midtown crazy guy popularly known as ATM repeatedly yelled at me from
across the street "YOU A BIT HEAVY, HEY GIRL YOU A BIT HEAVY" it was nice of
him to say a bit instead of really heavy, or fat. As though ATM wants me to
know that while I am on the big side all is not lost.

And lastly as I was getting on the light rail today scoping out a place to
sit, I saw him the guy I must sit near. Friends he was wearing a cape and
he had a bro. This is a perfect opportunity for some top quality
evesdropping. and then they start talking about the cape.

THINGS I LEARNED FROM CAPE GUY CONCERNING HIS CAPE ON THE LIGHT RAIL TODAY.

1. He made it before he ever met lisa, this caused quite a bit of shock
from his bro. Apparently Lisa must be a cape making machine or something.

2. He made it himself, but DID NOT weave the cloth.

3. It has a fake fur lining that can be buttoned in, however he was not
sporting it today. It's got to be "as cold as Montana to wear that" has he
worn it in Montana? How do capes go over there? I would guess badly.

4. He found the cape to be vital in the midwest. Man that cape has been
around.

5. He has had the cape for years.

thats about it, but as we were getting off the light rail at school
(thats right the cape goes to city college) I learned these additional
things.

1. A side bag under the cape makes it look like you have a gigantic ass.

2. Capes and cyclone fencing do not work together, as he swept by the fence
the bottom part caught the cape and he really flew back like a mother
fucker. He made bro switch places with him.

3. Although he wants to study psychology there is no name for the type that
he wants to specialize, apparently it involves uniting all types of
psychology together. At this point he walked one way and I walked the
other, I was hoping the great uniting involves the cape but there is no way
for me to know.

2004-01-21T14:43:00.000-08:00

This is from Reuters online today

Powell says French annoy him but he annoys them too.
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Secretary of State Colin Powell said on Wednesday the French, who opposed the U.S.-led war in Iraq, sometimes annoy him but he annoys them too.

Do the french annoy everyone?

2004-01-21T13:36:00.000-08:00

If my damm office co-workers would keep it down I could get
some sleep at my desk.
I mean I was asleep and they woke me up.

bitches

My friend Leila pointed out to me the phrase "you feelin me?"
today.

I like it.

2004-01-19T16:33:00.000-08:00

One more day till school starts, sweet freedom how will I use you today?

well at the moment I have refound my love of Metaspy, the great tool that
lets you see what people are searching for on Metacrawler. I know I did
this one before but I still can't stop looking at it once I start.
here are some of todays favorites.

where or where can my baby be
pictures of wizards in wizard hats
girls in panty hose
napping
pictures of emotions
Pauly shore eases up on the juice
Chihuahua's ear standing up
face party girl farts
camel toe galleries
Hey diddle diddle
cocksuck

2004-01-16T16:30:00.000-08:00

Wow, I love tiny posts.
I sometimes order stuff from Amazon. I love/hate their
attempts to reccomend other things I might enjoy. I find it sort of
creepy sometimes. For instance right now they are suggesting
the band Evanescence to me. I actually hate this band more than almost
anything else I heard in the last year so I looked at the list of
everything I have ever bought for a clue. I found none. Maybe you can see
what I don't

EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER ORDERED FROM AMAZON FROM WHICH MY LOVE OF
EVANESCENCE BECAME PERFECTLY CLEAR TO THEM.

1. Beginning Algebra (3rd Edition)
2. From cover to cover, a book about children's libraries
3. A subscription to scientific American.
4. Hullabaloo, Vols. 1-4
5. Lord of the Rings Risk
6. Excelsior the Bio of Stan Lee
7. Stan Lee's Mutants, Monsters & Marvels a DVD that is really not too
good.
8. Hickory wind, a book about Graham Parsons
9. No Depression a book about Alt Country. This one was a gift to someone
but I don't totally remember who.
10. Introduction to Library reference work.
11. Esential Fantastic Four Volume one
12. Essential Hulk.

there you have it three years of Amazon shopping and all I have show for it
is my love of melodic new metal. Do library lovin nerds love them?

2004-01-16T16:05:00.000-08:00

I am really in to the weird biblical art of Reverend McKendree
Robbins Long, I have to admit I love nothing more than "outsider art"
whatever that means. Sometimes I think its crap but some of it I love.
my favorite of course being Henry Darger,

to see some of the reverends work go to
http://www.luiserossgallery.com/long.html

for a great page on Darger go to
http://acer-access.com/~darger@acer-access.com/
this one has some great bigger views
http://www.hammergallery.com/Artists/darger/Darger_images_2.htm

I guess I just love little girls with dicks.

See life is more than avoiding work and talking about lord of the rings
(not much more but slightly)

2004-01-16T15:15:00.000-08:00

I wrote this quiz, how well do you know me?
http://www.friendtest.com/viewquiz.php?account=jandek

2004-01-14T12:21:00.000-08:00

Becky gave me this good list idea, movies of the year.
I want to see other peoples choices also.

TOP TEN MOVIES OF THE YEAR IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER.

Old School
A Mighty Wind
X-2
Capturing the Friedmans
American Splendor
Lost in Translation
Spellbound
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Once Upon a Time in Mexico
Man Without a Past

2004-01-14T11:27:00.000-08:00

Monkey trouble, its not just butlering and hilarious
sitcom cameos anymore.

KATHMANDU : Monkeys have invaded the Indian embassy here and are attacking
staff, destroying stationery and damaging office equipment, officials said.

They are also attacking small children in the jungle area surrounding the
embassy used by locals for picnicking, an embassy official said.

"We have requested (wildlife) officials to get rid of these monkeys, which
have been creating a menace in the embassy vicinity, as soon as possible,"
said press and culture first secretary at the Indian Embassy Sanjay Verma.

The embassy, the oldest diplomatic mission in Kathmandu , is surrounded by
jungle, giving the monkeys free reign to plunder the premises.

A Department of National Park and Wildlife Conservation (DNPWC) official
said wildlife experts were doing their best to remove the monkeys.
"Though experts have used tranquiliser darts and other control techniques,
the problem has not been solved," he added, however.
He said about a dozen monkeys were creating the nuisance and that one had
recently been caught and sent to the national zoo in Lalitpur town, on the
outskirts of Kathmandu .

2004-01-14T11:20:00.000-08:00

I forgot to mention my suprise that Christina Aguilera
didn't make the worst dressed list, and from reading my comments I
see heather shares my shock. She easily gives Paris a run for her
money. To sat that shania twain is dressed worst than Christina
is crazy.

2004-01-13T16:27:00.000-08:00

Well, well, I am back again and so are you.
I am getting school anxiety and I have until next tuesday until it even
starts.
oh well, at least I have the worlds busiest semester to look forward to.

I can't stop laughing at Jay and dillions drunk plan the other night to
star in Beetle Bailey on stage.

once again famed bon vivant Mr. Blackwell has released his best and worst
dressed lists (although who caresa about the best dressed?) In a
statement, he described those on the worst list as "Ten Titans of Fashion
Terror that, in 2003, ran the gamut of style-free excess from trashy to
flashy, frumpy to dumpy and every egregious variation in between." Friends
that is a sassy older man.

MR BLACKWELLS WORST DRESSED LIST, WITH COMMENTARY FROM SACRAMENTO'S BEST
DRESSED.

1. Paris hilton, I couldn't agree more, she is ugly and chooses clothes to
accentuate that gross stick of a body. contrary to popular belief you can
be too rich and too tan, and too boney for that matter.

2. Madonna and Britney tied for second. Britney fine, her fake stabs at true
skank have fallen short in my opinion. and Madonna? well, she is just not
dressed poorly enough to garner a second place.

3. Shania Twain, well she does take the rocker thing a bit far but she
really is just run of the mill celebrity dressed, a bit ugly and real over
done.

4. Diane Keaton, allright this is pretty bad, but I feel bad she is on the
list, my question is why is she always wearing gloves? is she missing a
finger like Harold Llyod or something?

5. Jessica Simpson, too much tit.

6. Celine Dion, she scares the bejesus out of me, like a weird bird or a
mime or something.

7. Missy Elliott, sure its bad but she is Missy Elliot back off.

8. Melanie Griffith, I had no idea too much botox was a fashion no no, I
just figured it was a bad health choice.

9. Courtney Love, she is like an older Paris Hilton, like a scary witch freak show.
I cannot stress enough how scary I find her.

10. Laura Flynn Boyle, they say the clothes make the woman in this case
the clothes make the skeleton.

there you have it.

2004-01-12T17:01:00.000-08:00

Well. Me and David Pauls art show went smashingly, Miller's party was the
funnest. so it was a great weekend.

I don't read craigs list as much as I used to but this makes me laugh.

Dance hall or Any working girl (older) want to retire this year - m4w

iso mt buxom woman for 2004

would be interested in getting to become good friends and see if we could
develop a mutual understanding (At first a shared friendship ,,then
hopefully a shared partnership)

I am retired, 5'10" and 185lbs. My friends have told me that I have the
general appearance and persona of Kenny Rogers.
I live in a cabin in the mountains and this year going to put the effort
into a relationship...

Because at this time in my life, with the experiences I've had, and a
widower of 18 years, I know how difficult it is to find that special
someone to have a lasting relationship with.
come back to me
This all comes down to a message in a bottle-----

Imagine not only the general appearance but the persona of Kenny
Rogers, what a catch. By persona does he means he owns a
chain of chicken restaurants. And its sad that he is looking for a
retired hooker to bring home to the cabin. maybe a bit creepy too.
Not enough people refer to dance halls anymore.

2004-01-09T15:28:00.000-08:00

this just in, in March a band called I am the World Trade Center is playing
at the Capitol Garage, whoo weee that is a bad one. Perhaps I should start
a band called Now More than Ever to play with them.

Nothing new to write, really nothing. Its hard to be exciting everyday.

2004-01-07T16:39:00.000-08:00

I love christmas break, nothin to do before or after work, fantastic!

jims comment about Soul Taco inspired this list. (Have I done this one
before?)

LEAST FAVORITE SACRAMENTO BAND NAMES

1. Soul Taco, an oldie but a goodie.
2. Squish the bad man.
3. Bucho!
4. Beer Dawgs
5. shenanagoats (I do laugh everytime I say this one)
6. sunburned hand of the man (I think this is what is was, I saw it once)
7. Hella, hella what?
8. an band recently played at Ironsides called Operation Milksnatch, I have
no idea if they are from here or not but sweet sassy molassy that is the
worst band name ever.

2004-01-06T15:56:00.000-08:00

At last I feel almost better, apparently all the hot salsa at 524 did its
job and made me a snot free Natalie.

I am also wearing legwarmers, I am unsure about the move but as of right
now I am feeling it, plus it keeps my legs warm.

Right now I am listening to Electric Version by the new pornographers and I
must say that this cd has never sounded so great, now I love this record
and listen to not to frequently but at this moment I am sure it is the most
brilliant thing. Maybe its my newly well brain but I just want to get up
and jump around my cubicle. Maybe I should no one would notice and I am
wearing legwarmers after all.

Me and DP's art show is this weekend, I am pretty excited. A bit nervous
though. Its at the book Collector at 1008 24th St on Saturday from 7 til 9.

I will even buy wine, and perhaps buy a beret.

wow the day is almost over already.

THINGS I HAVE DONE INSTEAD OF WORK TODAY
1. Come in late.
2. go to art supply store and antiquey junk place
3. Card store with Tess
4. Find out what ever happened to the kid from Christmas story
5. Read the paper
6. Look at various daily websites to be checked.
7. write this
8. look through cd's on my desk
9. go and bug people in their cubicles, this one kills two birds with one
stone, my time and theirs.

and look its already four.
eight bucks an hour only gets you so much.

2004-01-05T17:19:00.000-08:00

my new years resolutions

I understand that these things get broken all the time, but this is
the big list of the year. and I don't want to miss out.

1. Keep working out, not to lose weight or anything I just like the
way it makes me feel.
2. Get organized, I am so scattered all the time.
3. Quit putting shit off, just do it now for petes sake.
4. quit worrying about what everyone else is doing, not that I do that much
but I am way too old to be concerened with the way the small town drama
winds blow.
5. finish school
6. read more, I have really fallen off the habit of reading every day.
7. Be more motivated to do stuff, not going out to partys kind of stuff,
but doing things I enjoy like taking pictures and junk like that. (I
realize this is weirdly worded but I am always being told by people I never
do anything but I think they mean something different than I do)
8. Try not to get so irritated with stuff.
9. get a new job
10. save money, I have done a pretty good job the past few months but it is
time to kick it up the proverbial notch.
11. Give up hookers (I know I won't break this one)
12. Start writing letters, email is ruining the art of correspondence.
13. Relax, I am so anxious that even when I seem to be relaxing I am
actually stressing out somewhere in my head.

all in all a nice, boring list.

2004-01-05T15:56:00.000-08:00

Yes I am finally back, the cold I have had is surely the worst ever.
And I think I am finally really, really sick of televison.

However my love of middle earth risk is strong, beating both Jay and Mike
on Saturday didn't hurt.

Jim, regarding your comment about the beer dawgs it will actually be
me, the beer dawgs, soul taco and the shenanigoats.

Recently at a party I saw a frind of mine who lives out of town, she told
me that everything I was telling her about the last few months she had
already read on my blog, sad, the blog makes me more boring in person.

todays list comes courtesy of something tess emailed me quite a while ago.

In the 1961 Sacramento phone book the "cocktail lounge"
section yields these gems:

Achilles Heel
Branding Iron
Can-Can Club
The Chukker
King of Clubs
Club Delta
Club 4
Club 16
Club 21
Club 26
Club 65
The Corker
Day and Night Bar
Donner Club
Fore 'n' Aft Club
The Glacier
Happy Time Pete's
Hawaiian Hut
Hinkey Dinkey Cafe
Howdy Club
The Loading Chute
The Coral Reef
Mark Twain Club
Mel-o-dee Club
Mister Patches (!!!!!!!)
Moderne Club
Movie Club
Pall Mall
Panther Room
The Playroom
Red Fox
Restless Guns
Shangri-La Club
Square Deal Cafe
Star Cafe
Stardust Room
Stark Club (millionare alcholic Tony Stark needs a p[lace to drink when he
is in town)
Surf Room
Tan-Tan Cafe
Top Hat
Trophy Room
Tropicana
Velvet Hammer
Velvet Slipper
Zombie Hut
White House

Meet me at the zombie Hut for an apertif.

2003-12-30T14:16:00.000-08:00

Tired, so very tired.

The box of cold medicine recommends not taking more than one dose in four hours, it s not written in stone or anything.

Sadly I didn t heed the warnings of the box and now am high as a kite and am falling asleep as I write this.

I went to sleep last night expecting a hang over, but woke up
with a cold and sore throat. Damm it, and I didn t even get the hang over.

I don t want to be sick, damm it. I am going to get better by tonight and have the whole thing over with.

Last night was the Four Eye s christmas cover show and it was the best. My favorite night of the year. Any night I feel really stoked on living in Sac is a good one indeed.

Trust me there is more I want to say, but I am going home,
reapplying my jammies and going to sleep.

2003-12-29T13:43:00.000-08:00

Its my one year without a gall bladder anniversary, its so sad we
had to break up but gall you were all wrong for me.

Thanks for the nice holiday comments although
I am really confused as to why beck s mom got her lube.
I guess she just cares.
The rest of my week off was nice, I didn t do too much
except get thoroughly beaten (twice) by Jay at middle earth risk.
Ohh just you wait Baker one day I will rise up and middle earth
will be mine.

Josh s blog has me thinking, what are the best things of 2003 forme. Isn t it sad that I can t really think of any? Not that I
have had a bad year, it just hasn t been too eventful.

I reached my swimming goal this weekend, 20 laps without
stopping. I realize this really isn t shit in the world of lap
swimming but a month ago seven made me feel like I was having a
heart attack so I am happy with it. Besides, I think its
improving my already sweet can. My ass indeed looks better,
and I do love lookin at my own ass.

Maybe that s the best thing about 03' my ass. I doubt it butmaybe. Perhaps my time would be better spent thinking about
new years resolutions, which of course I will not keep.
I will let that list build up for a few days before writing it.

I know this is old news, but I am still fascinated by the
turducken, in case this is a new word to you it is a turkey,
stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken with layers of
stuffing between each level. Last night on the food network I
saw some self styled cajun yahoo talk about stuffing the whole
thing in to a pig. Good Lord, make it stop. I think I find the
fact that none of the birds have any bones left to be the most
disturbing part. Really the whole thing just screams out Gorman,
I can just imagine him calling your house in the middle of the
night for a saw, some stuffing and sausage to work on his
turducken, oh yeah that s right there is SAUSAGE involved. Its
like a fat man s wet dream (the wet comes from the gravy)

2003-12-24T23:53:00.000-08:00

oh sweet christmas, or at least christmas eve for 27 minutes at least.
I am in Santa Cruz after a long day of jays family christmas.
Apparently these people think I have some sort of insane sock fever.
Ten pairs of socks, ten! Not a grab bag of tube socks but ten seperate pairs of patterned socks.
I guess when jay asked me what he should tell his mom I wanted socks was one of the things I listed,
but ten times worth? Hot Damm, I will try to wear every pair tommorow.
The day was pretty uneventful, there was a baby here and Jays mom barely contained baby fever, just barely
the kind of control that involves trying to get me to "look" at the baby.

There is some show on Mtv where outkast is performing, not togethjer of course. I worry about the future of the band, also I worry about Andre starring in a movie about Jimi Hendrix,

I would love to watch TV all day and just blog about what I saw, for maybe eight hours straight.
I suspect it would be the most insane thing I ever wrote.

Now for a great little kid list..

WHAT ASSORTED MEMBERS OF THE BAKER FAMILY HAVE GOTTEN NATALIE FOR CHRISTMAS.

1. Sunglasses rack, thank you Jay at last I have a fancy place to put them all.

2. a book about Mr. Show

3. New Belle and Sebastian

4. Vanity fair subscription.

5. Two books about old movie posters.

6. A day planner

7. The aformentioned socks.

8. Jammies with snowmen all over them, I am wearing them right now, they are too big.

I gotta say a perk of dating is gifts from a different family other than your own.
speaking of which i have cooled down since my post about my mom yesterday, which isn'ty to say she
hasn't been on my mind today. Or I haven't hoped a larger perhaps Indian woman pushed her down today
on the way to dinner.

2003-12-23T17:32:00.000-08:00

Well it turns out I didn't feel particularly chatty today,

I got a letter from my mom in jail.
here is what I learned.
1. Its my fault, not hers. She knows I think she caused my horrible
childhood but damm it she apologized, I need to get over it.

2. Apparently she is upset I never ask how she is doing, I suppose the
answer is always a lying manipulative bitch, I just figured I wouldn't ask.

3. I think she has found some prison style religion. She will pray for me,
she should pray that I don't see her anytime soon.

4. its two mean pages written in pencil, I think in the joint you don't get
pens in case you melt them down in to a shiv.

5. She has forgiven me for never showing her enough love. Good lord what do
you want lady?

6. She wants me to have a nice life. Meaning she never wants to see me
again and really hopes my life is rotten.

7. She is at peace with her choices as my mother, and hopes eventually I
feel the same peace. More weird christiany garbage.

8. She has a new man in her life who loves her and has forgiven her of all
the things she has done in her past. Really how foregiving will he be when
his visa card, stereo and car are gone for your next meth binge? Not so
much I suspect.

see, not so funny. not so much at all.

well merry christmas lady, hopefully you will get a nice jail christmas
dinner.

bah.

(I feel a bit like this is too personal, but after hearing about her
inn-keeper defrauding way I suppose you should hear the next installment.)

I won't be back at work until monday I will be cooled off by then one would
hope.

2003-12-22T15:58:00.000-08:00

THIS PART WAS DELETED

I got my grade for my final online today, (I didn't do too hot)
she gave us all alias's so that it would be private.
I find her choice of names funny and intriquing
I was Selso Flores, the others were:

Haggis McMutton
Jennifer Inferno
Lost Welshman
Glottis
Anatharia Jack
Lady Ivana
Frozzbox Electric (this is my favorite)
Archibald Hampshire
Captain Rottingham
Grimwall
Gael the Enchantress
Cutthroat Bill
Titania

how did she choose these? I like them, but how do they fit together?

2003-12-19T14:51:00.000-08:00

Its almost Christmas, although more importantly its almost time for my
depressing christmas party with my family in the Bay Area who I almost
never see. They are sort of stressful, I am the oldest grandchild yet one
of the only ones without kids. My cousin had a baby when she was 14 or
something and she isn't the only one the joint is packed with teen moms.

My people are nothing if not trashy.

I got my presents from my grandmother in washington this week,
she sent me the most insane cross stitch rendering on a picture of me and
my sister from the eigthes, its so intricate that it looks like a picture
from far away, only a crazy lady could do such a good job.

was glad to see the comments about the canadian (and later on Nickelodian)
show fifteen, I loved it more than anything. I once watched an eight hour
marathon of it when I was 16 armed only with a giant bag of weed.

I got this link off of Josh's blog, http://www.selectsmart.com/president/
it chooses your presidential candidate Based on questions you answer,
My is a who's who of people bound to lose, Kucinich is my number one
candidate after the suggestion that perhaps I should become a
socialist. Followed by Sharpton and Mosely-Braun. I am proud to say
that even the libertarians did better then Bush did, and I am none to
fond of them although the fact that Kurt Russell was their spokeman did
help, Lo Pan hates the government getting in his business. only the
Constitution party scored lower than Bush did, fuck they must be a
bunch of Nazi's or something.

next the religion selector http://www.selectsmart.com/religion.html
ihow about the seven deadly sins selector apparently I will find
out which sin I am, tada its Lust.

allright one more, how about the quiz in order find out what scentologists
think I need to make my life happier and better. (if the answer is sex with
John Travolta or another watching of Battlefield Earth I am in) I have a
feeling the answer will be to become a scientologist. Actually they
suggest I start by reading a book by L ROn Hubbard what a shock.

man I have quiz fever. ahhhhhhh Oh No I just found a page of Lord of the
RIngs quizes, ahh work you will be but a memory now.
http://www.SelectSmart.com/lotr.html

writing about online quizes about lord of the rings on your blog,
the height of nerdatude.

2003-12-18T15:45:00.000-08:00

I have had a rotten day, I stepped on a dead rat and thats not even the
most stressful part of the day.

less said the better, but at least school is over.

But enough about that, because that isn't pure Thursday entertainment!

Also, Return of the King Rules. Really, go see it now, right now.

Anyway, there is a group out there on the web called Concerned
Women of America http://www.cwfa.org that have really irritated the crap
out of me today. They are a horrible uptight group of right wing bitches.
Who among other things says the morning after pill "would be a welcome tool for
sexual predators, who could keep a stash of it in their bedrooms to give victims
after each rape."

wow, that is the stupidest argument ever.

here is my take on their incredibly enlightening 11 Ways to resist the
"gay" activist agenda and bring hope and healing to Americas ailing
culture. even though they only show 9, stupid homophobes can't even count.
I heard ten is the gayest number.(now that is a mouth full, and the pun
is intended)

I will put their points in bold.

1. SHARE LIFE CHANGING GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST WITH A HOMOSEXUAL.
Hi, are you gay? want me to read you the bible even though I hate you? No?
fag.

2. EDUCATE YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS, CO-WORKERS, ABOUT THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA.
Your co-workers love queer eye for the straight guy? Explain to them
that sodomites rot in hell, stylish hair or not. Its a great way to make
friends at the office.

3. CONFRONT MEDIA BIAS. They suggest that I contact local journalists
who seem to like or even favor gays and ask them to cover both sides of
the gay issue. You know, the rational side and the angry religious zelot
side.

4. CALL YOUR REPRESENTATIVES. Hello senator have you banished qeers to hell
from the senate floor? no? well get on it, I heard they don't even vote
with all those dicks in their mouths.

5. REACH OUT TO YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUNG PEOPLE. There is no better way to seem like a crazy parent just ripe for the rebelling against than to
repeatedly proclaim you hate things.

6. TALK TO YOUR PASTOR. They suggest I educate my pastor about the evils
of homosexuality, as if your pastor is a real liberal on the subject.

7. SPEAK OUT AGAINST SEXUAL ORIENTATION LAWS. They say that these laws are
the first domino of a full agenda that ends in Gay marriage. One can only
wonder on the dominos in between.

8. LOBBY CORPORATIONS/DO SHAREHOLDER ACTIVISM. Basically try to stop
companies that allow benefits for domestic partners. I just imagine a lady
who owns five shares of a company demanding to see the CEO of a company
armed only with a bible and a basket of "anti-gay" muffins. Sadly this one
seems like one of the more dangerous tips on the list.

9. PRAY AND TAKE DIRECT ACTION. Praying will help, "Dear god, bobby was
watching will and Grace tonight, please strike him down" they suggest you
make a phone tree to keep your friends in the know about the lavendar
menace. that is a phone tree I would love to be on.

I got this link off of the always entertaining, http://www.sickcandy.com/

2003-12-16T15:02:00.000-08:00

the misspelling of cereal for serial is really sad.

2003-12-16T13:05:00.000-08:00

I will never be as funny as this.

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/

Really a list mecca

pick up lines used by cereal killers is hi-larious.

2003-12-16T11:59:00.000-08:00

Well just one short day before the last of the Lord of The Rings movies.

Needless to say I am really excited.

This is a really good place to answer all those nagging questions
that you might have if you don't have the books memorized or really
didn't read them at all.

lord forbid you couldn't tell your Minas Morgul from your Nu'menoreans

Near the bottom of the page is a list of tolkiens works then you can click
your way to better middle earth IQ

http://www.sciencedaily.com/encyclopedia/tolkien

I bought the new Vanity Fair because Viggo Mortensen is on the cover,
hot hot hot

2003-12-15T16:18:00.000-08:00

I am getting older, I admit this
I am no longer very in touch with
youth culture, I live the life of
a 29 year old lady. I try not to
embareass myself and it works just
fine.

This man doesn't understand these things.
http://www.naplesnews.com/npdn/nw_columnists/article/0,2071,NPDN_14945_2471004,00.html

Its so bad, I feel sad at the thought of him writing it
with the help of some online hip hop dictionary.

2003-12-15T15:15:00.000-08:00

Allright, todays list, I actually have a list.

I grew up really close to the canadian border, 15 minutes in fact.
I grew up watching Canadian television and bitching about those damm
canadian drivers (known as cheeseheads in the popular language). Contrary
to popular belief I am not actually canadian however.

and so

THINGS I HATE ABOUT CANADIANS.
1. The use of zed instead of the letter z, aka "from A to Zed"
2. Canadians coming across the border to shop and then trying to hide
everything they bought so they won't have to pay a duty. This means that
the mall parking lot is a mess of bags, shoe boxes and reciepts.
3. saying grade three instead of third grade.
4. constant bitching about the exchange rate to the person selling them
stuff.
5. Canadian tire, I don't know why the slogan "spend like santa, save like
scrooge" is something that really sticks in my head.
6. Vancover has no left turn lanes that I ever saw. People also double park
to run into the store.
7. HOCKEY NIGHT IN CANADA, much like Monday night football. always on want
you want to watch something else but a TV with one channel only goes so far.

that said I suppose I must add,

TOP FIVE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT CANADA.
1. TV shows, SCTV, Degrassi Junior High, Anne of Green Gables, The
beachcombers, good rockin tonight, fifteen and my favorite as a kid, The Littles
t Hobo a great show about a train hopping German Shepard that travels across can
ada saving the day.
2. the major eighties excitement when the band Glass Tiger had a hit,
fuck those canuks went crazy.
3. All that free health care.
4. In British Columbia at least everything is pretty racialy mixed unlike
the US though they actually reflect that in the media, east Indian news
casters, native Americans starring in sitcoms. (actually not native
americans, but I have heard them refered to as native canadians or aboriginals o
r first nations or first born)
5. When I was a young teen the fact that the fluvog store was in Vancouver
was the coolest.
6. the canadians really are a nice friendly people.

however, let me state again I am not canadian.

2003-12-11T16:14:00.000-08:00

Can the japanese make any thing cute?
Judging from these sex toys, yes they can!

Sure theyu have the Hello Kitty Vibrator, but oh so much more.

I am particularly a fan of the New Super Magical Mitten
which according to the website:
in Japan, there are special places called "soaplands" (formerly known
as Turkish Baths until Turkey got upset about it), where a beautiful
woman will soap you up and get you very clean, as well as get you off.
One of the tools used by soap girls is a rubber "magical mitten" which
works with soap as lubricant for a great feel. This is a super soft
rubber sheet that is held in the hand and used to clean anything you
might want to clean. A great adult toy item!

Wow a special cutely packaged glove to jack-off!

also the pillow shaped like a porn star with a hole to do, is weird.

this site is great for the non-dirty japanese stuff too.

2003-12-11T15:55:00.000-08:00

just to let all my co-workers know my new comments
even work on the ancient work system unlike my old ones.

2003-12-11T15:52:00.000-08:00

yeah. the last day of school, Now to wait a full week til my math final.
actually I skipped the last day of psychology because, well I don't have to
go.

thanks to those of you who signed my hookers for Natalie petition. Although
I must ask, Scott Miller is against my love of hookers.

I would like to thank tess for pointing out that someone sent spam to one
of our work bulliten boards under the name Fudge V. Moisterizer. I think it
is the funniest thing I have ever seen. Such dirty but not dirty words
combined.

Christmas is upon us, I wonder what Jandek will find wrapped up under his
tree this year.

probably just an ugly tie from his kids.

I am attempting to change the look of my blog again, I can't handle the one
I have now. Because of my weird non-pc work computer it shows up insane on
my screen and is driving me nuts.

I have a month off of school, time to get down and party, in the way of
someone who will still be working four days a month. I assume it will just
mean more sleeping in.

I am working on stuff for my art show, here is someone I want to rip off.
http://www.artchive.com/artchive/C/cornell.html#images

I don't think I could if I tried, I mean some stuff I do looks like this
anyway but man I like it a lot.

also despite my fear of taxidermy I want all of these
http://www.acaseofcuriosities.com/anthropomorphic.html

2003-12-10T14:44:00.000-08:00

Finally I get to it.

I swear somedays I just put off the blog but skipping two days in a row
seems insane.

I am at work
I am tired
and I knocked over another crappy cubicle wall (my second in as many weeks)

Lord I am bored, funny, but bored nonetheless.

this whole place is barely put together and I am klutzy as fuck (not to be
confused with a klutzy fuck).

Did you know you can sell your own art on ebay? I looked at it out of
curiousity. It really doesn't sell that well.

Why would I want to buy your crappy wacky cat painting. Well the holidays I
suppose.

I also like the title outsider art and ebay.
Now outsider art is a real thing, I understand this. As someone who
understands this can I really be an outsider artist? I am not sure.
But I tell you this I can try to sell some pretty crappy stuff as outsider
art.
Including a pencil drawing of wolverine that looks like a teenage boy did
it during class. (staring bid 9.99)

In todays headlines

bobby brown hit whitney, I can hardly believe it.

Elvis costello got married, I can hardly believe it wasn't to Bacharach.

Its Raven Symones 18th birthday

the FCC is cracking down on deceptive diet ads, Really. Everyone has seen
these ads, and knows they are crap. I mean I can see wanting them to work
but shouldn't you be punished for believeing you can lose 80 pounds in a
month while still eating french fries?

This is a direct headline,
GM tests Concept of a Humbler Hummer,
now I know it is about the car but I really see some self effecing girl
giving someone a blow job.

I also love this website http://PetitionOnline.com/
its a site of online petitions, another example of the people having too
much time on their hands, here are a few of my favorites.

LISTEN UP!
1. Put Dr. Hook in the rock and roll hall of fame. I had no idea anyone
cared that much.

2. A Mariah Carey Doll, 309 people have signed this. What an ugly doll.

3. Romantically link rouge and Wolverine in the next x-man movie.
why, because you said so? Bah!

4. 178 people agree thet everyone loves raymond re-runs are on too often
and want their voices heard.

5. Bring back Stone Cold, I couldn't agree more.

6. and this one, which could be one of the hardest hitting things I have
ever read. http://www.PetitionOnline.com/head123/petition.html

2003-12-08T11:06:00.000-08:00

When I got to work today there was a
Sweet Love brand douche sitting on my desk.

it is here that I learned douching is good
for nervous tension. ummmm great.

Heather went to the dollar store,
a dollar store douche? yipes.
Now I just have this douche sitting here,
I don't know what to do with it.

Although It does claim to have a refreshing
Floral Bouquet.

What is Sodium Benzoate and why does it need to get all
up in my garbage.
I also question the stingability of sorbic acid.

the whole thing makes me uncomfortable, now its
just sitting on my desk staring at me.

2003-12-05T16:10:00.000-08:00

there are comments there, it just says zero comments
this is a blow my ego cannot take

2003-12-05T13:35:00.000-08:00

ladies and gentlemen
presenting my sisters blog.
after all two heads are better then one.
(I am actually pained by that joke but it had to be done)
www.thelittlethehead.blogspot.com

2003-12-05T11:26:00.000-08:00

Josh, sweetheart the problem isn't the word douchebag it is
the fact you were at a stand up comedy show.

2003-12-04T11:59:00.000-08:00

Bustin out, this is a phrase I love today,
as in "I busted out at target last night and bought a bra and four pairs of
underwear"

ohhh Target how you tempted me last night but I tried to fight back..

also workout pants for 25.00 is a fuckin injustice. Its just over glorified
sweat pants for fucks sakes.

I was also at laine Bryant today buying fat lady tights and let me tell you
that place is an explosion of awful pants with weird fades and shit sewn
all over them. and all the summers peasant blouses are on sale, I bought
10 of them and will always be looking like a gauzy, paisley house from here
on out.

saw Jonathan Richmond last night, it was great, it didn't rock me as hard
as usual but it was good nonetheless.

the middle age couple in front of me was doing the weird lady in front ass
to man crotch grinding dance, yuk. I really hate couples that grind and are
all touchy at shows. come on! go home if you want to get all overly sexy.

CLOTHING THAT LOOKS GOOD ON NO ONE.
1. pleated pants, sorry to all you dockers lovers, but flat fronts are the
way to go.

2. Ladies who pull their pants up too high, there is a lady here at the
office who does it, those fuckers are up to her neck.

3. See through mesh, I saw a lady at the mall rocking this look today
I know she thought she looked holiday festive but really I could just see
her bra straps. (This one can be OK in some ways, I know it when I see it)

4. UG Boots, the official foot wear of Santa Cruz, allright they may be
comfortable but they look like suede moon boots.

5. Those weird silk men's shirts from the 90's, you know the ones they
remind me of unlubricated condoms. Very homecoming dance.

6. Tube top, duh this one goes without saying.

7. Thong out side of pants, I know it is the very height of hootchie wear,
but fuck tuck that shit in!

Allright thats enough judging for today. If you are guilty of any of these
things, sorry I bet it looks great on you.

And a p.s. for Josh, Douchbag is still funny here on the west coast. or at
least I think so.

2003-12-03T13:42:00.000-08:00

at last Babyface gets the props he deserves.
http://www.soulofamerica.com/images/photos/indy_babyface.jpg

also I want a minature horse.
there is no creature cuter
http://www.guidehorse.com/

2003-12-03T11:24:00.000-08:00

Good day everyone, thanks for all of your support on the defrauding an inn
keeper joke always being funny.

However as I try to write me mom a "sorry your retarded ass landed in jail,
again" letter I just keep laughing and imagining all the good jokes.

also, C-murder, brother of No Limit Records and gold tank lover Masta P was
charged with defrauding an innkeeper as well as murder.

When am I going to be able to hear the Michael Jackson, R. Kelly Single
Give Me One More Chance that they recorded before Michaels current troubleT
began. It just sounds like a joke to me.

I was watching a Richard Pryor special the other night and Jay pointed out
that Pryor is always funny and other comedians blow, why? Actually he may
have pointed out his love of Jeff Foxworthy shortly thereafter but still.

Stand up comedians are the worst, and when I was 11 it was my dream to be
one.

And now there is a new movement in stand up comedey that seems to be spear
headed by the holy unfunny trinity

Dennis Miller, Colin Quinn and Dennis Leary. Ohhh god I hate them so.
you know they stand up for the little guy. the guy who loves the war,
hates political correctness and wants to always point out that they can't
make jokes about black guys. Sweet god fellas I despise you.

I just read Jana's Blog http://janaland.blogspot.com/
Her food reviews are brilliant, and to copy her I too will make this list

WHAT I ATE YESTERDAY
1. Raisin Bran, with soy milk
2. Trader Joe's cheetos
3. Toast with Brie and blackberry jam
4. four carrots
5. two frozen fish fillets, and fries with a delicious katsup and
horseradish dippin sauce.
5. two pieces of celery
6. Soy nuts
7. biscotti
I think thats it,

todays lunch?
more of those damm cheetos
soy nuts
vanilla yogurt
raisin bran
carrots

really just more of the same.
I eat like I am on some weird diet yet I weigh 250 pounds, damm it
I feel cheated. I eat how I want to eat, I don't always eat like this
either. (see this weekends eating at Jimboys twice) But I wish I could eat
like a fat lady. You know lots of bon bons, handfuls of roast beef, half
and half by the pint.

2003-12-02T11:44:00.000-08:00

Helllooooo

Today is a better day than yesterday, and luckily I have not defrauded any
innkeepers today.

Its a beautiful fall day.

I am eating Trader Joes brand cheetos, delicious.
I love the new trader Joes.

I was thinking yesterday about how dumb people
are, and how often they put themselves in even dumber situations.

FIVE DUMB-ASS THINGS YOUR DUMB ASS DID TO FUCK IT ALL UP.

1. Unprotected sex, yesterday was Worldwide AIDS day, there was a bunch of
stuff on TV about it. Plus babies and the clap. Really not using a condom
is the dumbest thing I can think of.

2. Drunk Driving, Ohh I see my friends doing it. I even used to claim
that I wasn't going to let people do it, but you know what I am as bad as
everyone else. I can see you lying right to my face dipshit.

3. Dying on the operating table after plastic surgery, nice tits lady,
they are a bit cold and blue though.

4. Sleeping with the wrong people, pretty self explanatory.

5. Defrauding Innkeepers (will this joke ever get old?)

My, my aren't we an sassy lady.

2003-12-01T13:44:00.000-08:00

Well, well I am back.
A whole week off, it was a little bit hard top break myself of the blog
habit, once in a weak moment I even considered going to the library to post
something.

My week was pretty good, my sister visited, I made thanksgiving dinner.
Watched a whole lot of television.

Strangely enough I realized that I actually like having things to do, a
schedule. Without anything to do I get real antsy. Plus having a visitor is
strangely disrupting, not that I had to baby sit her or anything but it did
change my schedule.

I am trying to stop smoking so much, Jay stopped cold turkey but I just
don't have the willpower. As I type this I am chewing a piece of gum like
my life depended on it. Sadly I love smoking (and apparently slowing
killing myself) and am going to smoke less. I usually smoke between six and
ten cigarettes a day so there isn't too very much to cut down to.

I found out my mom is in Jail for the next few months. I am torn about
this. I know it is a good idea, she can sober up and maybe get her shit
together, but Christmas in the slammer is too sad even for her no good ass.
I looked at the jail website, one of the charges is defrauding an
innkeeper. Thats my favorite its very olde timey. The violation of the
controlled substances act is not my favorite, ohh mom, grow up.

wow this is overly long, and really more personal than I like to get.
I have no urge to write the list, maybe later.